Crisis Averted?

Saying goodbye is hard. I am trying not to do the thing that i normally do which is once i really start to feel something for someone i push them out of my life. I also want to do something more with this blog than have it be a blah blah blah fest like most of the other blogs i read. So here goes.

…Tomorrow I’ll give my life tomorrow,
I thought about today, but, it’s so much easier to say…tomorrow…

A year ago today I found out someone very dear to me, the most awesome person I have had the honour of knowing, had left this earth and went to the big cat playground in the sky. I still can’t believe that he is gone. Even though he lived far away I knew that he was there for me when I really needed him and had my back . I hope he found the peace he was looking for.

…If i should die dont cry my niggas,
bust bullets in the sky my niggas.
And when I’m gone don’t mourn my niggas,
get on my niggas
When its real say word to Sean my niggas …

There was time when someone snidely asked me “why would someone want to marry you?”I just realized i can proudly say, ” because he cares about me.” I just realized that someone asked me to marry them and then flew all the way here to do it and to be with me. I don’t know why that just hit me. Maybe because I am sitting here wishing he was here.

..Let’s not forget ourselves my friend, I am flawed if I’m not free, and your husband will never leave you, he will never leave you for me…

I have had a whirlwind month so far. After three years I finally met one of my favourite people and promptly fell madly in lust with him. (I think he feels the same) For a solid week i got to do nothing but lie in the arms of someone who made me feel alive and beautiful. And now he is gone back to Jolly old England about as far away as he can be. I wont get all mushy and nostalgic I am trying to absorb a biut of his cynicism and maybe rub some of my romantic naivete onto him. For now i will just take it a day at a time. I cant really afford anymore heart break .

…Its ok in the day, i”m staying busy, run around so i don’t have to wonder where is he…..

So yeah, I have had a blog site for well over two years and never wrote a damn thing. Its not like i dont think i have anything to say, i have written 100 or so blogs in my mind that i never wrote down but it’s always easier to do things that way. Also I am too lazy to write the CSS that this page deserves as it is dedicated to the second most awesome person i know, my dog Thor. But tonight I am sad and can’t sleep. i know in my present state, sleep will only spawn nightmares so like a 5 year old i sit and yawn and try not to doze off while simultaneously trying not to let my mind dwell too hard on any one actual worry that i have. But writing about them would also make my mind dwell so i digress. on that note i shall leave you.

…come on mood shift shift back to good again…